Category: Dating and Relationships
I have a loaded question for all of you. For the guys, but all can answer. What do you guys thing about waiting until the big day to have sex with your partner? Me personally, I wish I would've waited. I think it shows respect to your future husband/wife, that they alone are worthy of the gift. Also, can you in a sense have a second virginity? I believe so. That is my practice. I make a vow, not to have sex, until my wedding night. I also believe that if a guy/girl loves you, they will respect that and wait. What are your thoughts on the two topics?
I'm waiting till my wedding night, because I want to give the girl I marry something very special that I could never give if I'd slept around, and yes, I think there's a such thing as a second virginity, even though it's an oxymoron. I mean, you still have to live with the consequences of your past, but you can stay as pure as possible for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with anyway.
I used to want to wait until after marriage, but then I thought why hold it back if you are really committed with someone, i.e. six months or more of dating. The fates must be telling me something because the two relationships I've had only lasted about four months before falling apart, lol!
Man, Kragiel, I give you two thumbs up. That's awesome. Way to go!!!
It's not me! Really, I owe it to my Saviour, Jesus Christ, for giving me the strength to withhold, because, God knows if I didn't act by conviction, I'd probably have done it by now!
LOL, only God can do it. you're right. I only laugh, cause I know what you are saying is so true. hehehehe. But it is still something to be proud of, cause I wish I would have kept to it. It's much harder after you decide to be pure again, after you've already been there.
I think all asspects of the relationship should be explored before you fully commit your self to another. The one asspect that is withheld, could be the cause of the end of the marrige. Judge Maybelleen from divorce cort always is telling people to get to know their partner before you commit your self to eachother. If saving your self is a gift you give to your partner, that gift may not be perceived as such by your partner. As for being a born again virgin, do you present yourself to your partner as a born again virgin? How would you personilly react to that. news? I would have mixed feeling on the matter. I guess I would be like, why?
If God didn't want you to have sex then why did God give you the proper organs and also the ability to derive such pleasure from them? If the organs were just meant as a functional part to reproduce then why is it such a pleasure to have an orgasm? I mean do you get the same kind of pleasure from your ears when you hear music or mouth when you taste the most delicious food? No! You ONLY get the kind of pleasure you get from an orgasm from an orgasm! So, if God din't want you to have sex so you can enjoy it, why did God make it so pleasant? Using what God gave us is showing respect for the gift and the One who gave it. Not using it and saving it for your wedding night and ending up being all frustrated because you will have no idea how to do what is like accepting a gift and instead of opening it and using it and enjoying it, you lock it instead in a closet. I would be insulted if someone did that with a valuable gift I have given them. I think that God is also insulted when people do not use the gift God has given them. It's a gift of love and joy and should be used as often as possible. Make love not war. If everyone is happy then no one would want to kill others. Somewhere down the line we have forgotten and misunderstood the gifts God gave us and created social pretences to justify having wars but not having sex. That is very wrong in my opinion.
Two replys in one, since there on equal footing. First, God intended sex to be between one man, and one woman. Second, so, let's say, you have sex with someone and you end up breaking up. You are left feeling empty, and you gave your all to that person for absolutely nothing. Take it from me, the scars left from that aren't pretty. And furthermore, what are ya gonna do, sleep with everyone you're with, to make sure you're physically compatible? In my oppinion, and I mean no offence, but that is pretty shallow minded. There's more to life than sex. If that's all you got, then of course the relationship or marriage is gonna fail. The abuse of this gift, is giving it out to anyone you're with. It is sacred, and only meant for one person. Your spouse. The pleasures of the moment do not last, but when it is in a unity of marriage, it is not going to end. It will be more forfilling, and meaningfull.
In defense of Catlover, I see no reason with wanting sex (or sexual relations) to be between you and your spouse. However, you will need to be sexual by yourself at least, not to mention have *lots* of open discussions about sex and sexuality with partners before commitment, in order to be on your way to a healthy sexual relationship. There are also practical considerations, especially STDs such as HPV that cannot be tested for reliably. I know that's shocking but it's true. We also need to wait to have intercourse either until marriage, or such time as we are in a position to accept the consequences of an accident, since we're playing with potential human life here, and no BC method is 100%. On an emotional note, there's something to be said for knowing you have an exclusive activity that only you and the love of your life have enjoyed together, whatever that special activity is for you. Sexuality, in its various forms and stages, can also be symbolic of power, commitment,and even spirituality. That being said, many are satisfied with the trade-off and choose to have sex before marriage anyway. They recognize that when they're in true love, that kind of sex will be deeper and more sacred than other types of sexuality, and see no reason to deprive themselves of the former just to wait for the latter. Also, many people explore early with certain sexual acts, and hold out on others (or never engage in them at all). It is a complicated issue, but it resolves itself partly according to personal preference and compromise.
I'mmeant, "I see nothing wrong with" instead of "no reason with
I don't have anything against people who have sex before marriage, but personally, I don't plan to. I agree with Kragiel. I want to wait till I find someone I really love and we're in a committed lasting situation.
Well cat lover and the rest of you, I commend you for your beliefs I hope you can stick to your guns. I wish you all the happyness! I hope you find others as wonderful as your selves to share your gifts with.
First I want to address 1800trivia. All I can say to that is, I couldn't have put that in a better way. You totally hit the nail on the head. Our actions have consequences, and what we do can have lasting effects, that's why we have to be especially carefull. Next, Krisme as others have said to me, good luck, and way to go. Last, but not least, Angel77, thankyou for what you said. I hope, and more than that, pray I find someone to share those gifts with as well. Well guys, I am overwhelmed with the astounding responses and am commending all of you that are wanting to wait. By saying that, I stress, I do not have anything against the rest of you, and I hope you all find what you are looking for. Hugs to all, Catlover.
I think that the idea of waiting until your wedding night to have sex is very commendable, and I admire anyone who chooses to do so and follows through with it. However, I do think that there are issues involved in doing so. I think all the romantics amongst us have this notion of what our first time will be like. How we will wait for that perfect opportunity with that special person, our wedding night perhaps, and how, when the moment arrives, we will make love, and it will be perfect, and wonderful, and just right. But the reality is somewhat removed from that. Whilst I agree that we should wait for the right person, someone who is special to us, who we love, who we have plans for a long term relationship with, the first time you have sex is everything but perfect. So while I think that maybe waiting for a perfect moment to have sex for the first time is the right thing to do, I don’t necessarily think that the wedding night is that perfect moment, because if that first time is not perfect, and invariably it isn’t, even more so I’d imagine if both partners are inexperienced, then the disappointment could be tremendous.
The thing is, all the people who are against waiting for your wedding night to have sex have said there are consequences! Let us consider the consequences of not waiting! As Triv said earlier, there are problems of STD's, which, if you want to risk getting Aids, Herpies, the clap, Siphilis, or crabs, knock yourself out! I, for one, prefer not to possess any of these disgusting body characteristics! Sure, sex is a beautiful thing, but not when it ends in that, and trust me, I know plenty of people who now run the risk of infecting others, just because of their sexual freedom! Then, there's the issue of an unwanted pregnancy! Do you realize that the number of children in single-parent families, where mama has to raise the child because some deadbeat guy just wanted to get happy one night won't take responsibility? Other than the religious reasons to wait, tue unwanted consequences are enough to make me not want to! P.S. Am I the only guy that feels this way?
Actually Kragiel STD's are not the result of sex before marriage, they are the result of promiscuity. And I think that is the difference. Yes I think that you should wait for the right person to have sex with, but if you know it's the right person, why wait till you're married, especially in this culture we live in now where people choose not to get married but to live together. I am not advocating sleeping with several partners, I am merely saying that if you are with the right person, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be with that person in every sense of the word. There is also nothing wrong with choosing to wait to be with that person until such time as you are married. Let me ask you this - if you want to wait until you get married to have sex with your partner, will you therefore only choose a partner who has never had sex before either?
I am only 14, so I've got a long, LOOONG time to go. I plan to wait until I am married, for I want to stay a virgin, and I want to give my true love the first of it... for some odd reason, I have never been sexually attracted to anyone but emotionally, and I believe that God plays a part in that so far, for without Him I would not have anything to live for, so I'd prolly figure: "Well, why not?" and end up doing it. But He's keepin' me in line! Hehehehe!
SugarBaby, yes, I'd like to marry a virgin, too! I want it to be new for both of us! That is not to say that I'm against marrying somebody who's not, or somebody maybe who even has a child from a previous relationship, but we're talking preference here, and I would like somebody with the same sexual goals as me.
I agree with Sugarbaby. My first time was anything but good, in fact, I'd go so far as to say that it was disappointing, even just totally rubbish. Now some people would say that I deserved it because I didn't wait but I will never be inclined to agree with that. In a sense, I wish I had waited, but events that happened as a result of that relationship, I feel have shaped who I am, while doing a hell of a lot of growing up because of them happening. I got pregnant as a result of that first relationship. I was always careful and could never understand it. My theory on that however, is a story for another day. The relationship was not something I would wish on my worst enemy. I went against every principle and belief I ever had and terminated my pregnancy. It wasn't something that I did lightly, in fact, I've only now, three and a half years later, just managed to stop hating myself for it. I will always be the first to admit that it was a truely awful thing that I did, but at the same time, I am glad that I did it because that child would have been brought in to a life of misery. I couldn't and will never ever do it again, but feel that, as a result of doing it, it made me grow up a hell of a lot. It's just a shame it had to come to that. I think that it is important that you wait and don't rush in to having sex, because I think it's something that is so emotionally powerful, it can land you in a lot of problems, both physically and mentally, and it can be used against you and as a weapon rather something pleasureable or enjoyable, but at the same time, I don't believe that it is necessary to wait until your wedding night. There are a lot of unwanted pregnancys, but at the same time, there are also a hell of a lot of single parents, where the other parent has decided to leave, or they've both decided that they want a divorce. If you wait until your wedding night, I think it's possible that the divorce rate could rise even more. People are far more selfish now days than they ever used to be, and I think that's the key thing here. It overlaps with another topic. People won't usually think much of getting a divorce, so I think that people waiting until they are married, unless they've found someone who can say that they truely love them, no matter what, will probably encounter a lot of problems finding that right person because all the majority of people on this earth, now days, seem to think about, is themselves.
Another thing I meant to ask was, are we just talking intercourse here? penitrative sex? or are we talking every sense of physical pleasure. is there a line to be drawn? or is it all or nothing?
well where do you draw the line - there are some that would say that you're innocent so to speak until you have actually had intercourse. so technically you could do everything! oral sex .. the lot, and still deemed to be a virgin, whereas there are some who would never engage in those kind of activities even if they did have actual intercourse.
Ah! Good question! I do have a personal line, and it may not work for everybody, but for me, anything past kissing would be too far, although I wouldn't say it'd rob me of my "innocence". I know this though. If you want to wait till marriage, then you definitely have to be careful how far you go, because we all know about physical desire, and, like Danielle said, we live in a very selfish generation!
ok let me take the topic a little bit in a different direction then. given that Kragiel is a guy, and is probably one of the few who would actually wait until marriage to have sex. please, no offence to the other guys on here at all, I do know there are others on here who see sex as something special but perhaps just wouldn't choose to wait ... anyway ... bearing all this in mind, if a girl chooses to wait, then it seems to be that the guy is expected to respect that view and not force the issue, however, if a guy chooses to wait, then a girl would more often than not feel rejected and think that the guy wasn't atracted to her. why is this.
I agree with what you are saying sugarbaby, but I think you may have confused two things there. The seeming and doing are very different things. It is seemed to be the case that if a girl wants to wait, the guy should respect them. Yes, seemed to be. I don't actually know of any guys who would accept and respect that, the same way girls feel rejected. What is meant to happen and what does happen are not the same things and I don't really think that there is any difference in the way girls or guys react to it if it is not a belief that they share.
Aw I'm not so sure about that. It is true that a guy will maybe put on the pressure, but I think that ultimately if the guy loves the girl, with that love comes respect, and then ultimately no will mean no. But lets get an idea then ... come on guys, all you who have had previous partners - if you met a girl, would you respect her views and wait to have sex with her until she was ready? or would you dump her because she didn't want to have sex on a first date. come come be honest with us now.
Okay well like Melmel I'm only fourteen, but I consider myself mature enough to read this topic because my sister and I have talked about it before and what not. I agree with Mel, Krisme and Kragiel and anyone else who said the same thing: I play to wait until I'm married to do the deed. I want to make sure I'm committed and with the right person, and I odn't want to rush into anything and od somethign I'll regret later.
I have had partners who said they wanted to wait until the ring was on their fingers so to speak, but at the same time this is something I have heard from younger women, girls to be frank, and I was young too. Weather or not I pressed them, well of corse I tried, but if they had said no, then no meant no. I am not the only one to press the issue, in the heat of passion even those who want to wait give in to temtation. Reguardless of when it happens, it doesn't change weather or not your partner stays or goes. I agree with everyone else when they say the first time ain't the best time. I think the key is being sure in your self, and knowing what you want. You can never be sure about your partner and their intensions, so be dam sure about your self. People change, what they want now, may not be what they want later. It is hard to hold on to any relationship, so respect is the key. respecting your self and yor partner.
yeh df I think that you're right in so much as that it's often younger girls/guys who say they want to wait. but I also know people who didn't and regretted it, not necessarily not waiting till they were married, but not waiting for a special person to do it with.
I am hoping to wait until I am married for Sex, because that makes it speical, but I also understand that sometimes we get caught up in things, and that maybe I will not be able to wait. I hope I can though, because then things are less worrysum that way
By waiting for marriage, this is also making the assumption that marriage is always a well thought-out decision, which in itself is not true. Some people will get married after being with someone for three months because they either can't find anyone better, so they think, are so caught up in the emotions of a new relationship that is seemingly going right, or even to have sex. If it's the latter, it's a poor excuse. I think there needs to be some middle ground. There seems to be this implication that those who don't wait until marriage will automatically try to get some on the first date. There's certainly some middle ground. As for the previous question, if I knew a woman didn't want to have sex until marriage, yes I could respect that. I think a lot of guys would say that. But saying and doing don't always work out the same way.
I'm still gonna play it safe!
ok well here's a senario for ya on the STD situation ... let's say you're a virgin, you decide to wait until your wedding night to have sex. You meet the man/girl of your dreams, and decide that that is the person you want to give your virginity to. Only minor detail is that this person has been married before, or has had a serious long term relationship, he/she only had one previous partner though and you know they were committed to each other, so that's ok. only thing is, that one previous partner had had two previous partners, and each of those had had three, and .. you get the picture? so you wait till the night of your wedding, you make love and it's all wonderful, you spend the next year or so together, and then your husband/wife gets a call from their ex saying they've been contacted by a previous partner who was in turn contacted by a previous partner to say they have tested HIV positive. You get tested, and you, having only had one sexual partner for the exact reason that you wanted to avoid STD's, test positive. so in actual fact, the only way you could avoid STD's altogether would be to go only with a partner who had not had any previous partners, or to do the completely untrusting thing and insist they were tested before you'd have sex with them, not, i think, a good start to a long term future together.
Actually, in some states in the U.S., it is mandatory that before a marriage license is issued, both parties get tested for Aids, and other STD's! Barring that, however, I suppose it would suck to be me if the scenario you posed were to come true! Still though, I feel that the way I choose to live my life is quite a bit safer than people who sleep with multiple partners.
oh yeh you're absolutely right. I know of a guy who sleeps with two to three women a week, sometimes they are the same women, but none the les .. and he has a scoring chart, which indicates what these women will, and will not allow to have done to them - i'll leave the details to your imagination. thing is though, will this guy one day wake up and realize that when that special person does come into his life, he has devalued sex so much that it will never be special to him?
Exactly, and that's the biggest problem I have with people sleeping with multiple partners! Sex is a beautiful thing that God built in to our bodies for pleasure, and for reproduction! People who sleep with people they aren't committed to, and aren't spending the rest of their lives with make it very cheap
Hmm, interesting topic.
I think the very truth of the matter is what SB just said, the more sexual partners you have the less special the sex is to you, this devaluation of sex is a sad fact and some people may be completely ok with it but it is a reality. That's a very delicate line to draw. I e.g. think that, in general, sex on a first date will never lead to a lasting/successful relationshp or at least the chances of that happening are very low (of course if people know each other e.g. from online they may feel their first actual date is really months into their relationship, it's not really the case in my opinion but it makes things feel a little different I think).
This being said one has to decide what sex means to one and then try to follow one's convictions and beliefs. I made the mistake of exploring sex early on with a friend who was curious, this being said the Icelandic views towards sex are a lot more lax than e.g. the American ones. I was very disappointed by the first experience but I did learn a lot from it and for me I think it turned out ok. Still I think it, over-all, was not a very smart decission.
I've had some relationship since and usually waited 4 months to a year before having sexual intercourse with a partner. I've tried to avoid being pushy about it but it's hard to avoid getting caught up in the moment and do some degree of sexual actions before that time. This being said I think oral sex and sexual intercourse are on the same level, oral sex being possibly even more intimate since it's harder to use contraceptions and therefore STD transmition is easier than using a condom e.g. even of the pregnancy is not something to be worried about.
I feel when I have serious intensions with a partner sex is a part of growing and getting closer, just like living together and exploring each other's little every day habits and oddities, we all know there will be things that we will enjoy or have problem with in our partner's behavior and if we want to make such serious commitment to that partner we should do that knowing as much about them as we can, at least I feel that way. I have two sister, one got married after 6 months and divorsed 10 years later after her husband cheated on her. The other one had 3 children with her fiance and they lived together for 14 years before getting married, and they've been married a long time, have a 4th kid and are very happy. I don't see how the first one was in any wy better than the second choice. So, what I am saying is sexual deprevation is not the key to a good marriage, however frivillous sex is not something very special and it's throwing away the most romantic and special gesture you have at your disposal. Where people choose to live on this scale is, well, their choice and I certainly respect kragiel and those others who want to wait until marriage and I would advise anyone not to rush into it, have it on a first date or use it as physical pleasure source .. for those who do it's ok, but to me personally it has a meaning, a message etc. None of my relationships have worked out but I don't blame it on the premature sex factors, I always had the intensions that things would last, however sadly and for various reasons, mostly because of distance and me moving to another country those intensions have always fallen apart. I hope I've learnt enough this time to make it last but my views on sexual relations still remai the same. For me I'd want to be with a partner in every way before getting married, I would not be offended to be asked to take STD tests, it's a precautionary thing to do and I repsect that, I've been very careful about STDs myself and I've always realized that premature pregnancy is a bit thing so, yes, only sleep with someone if you feel you could deal with raising a child with them, once that person's pregantn you have a huge duty to them and to live with them unless that would make both of you so unhappy the child would be better off with a single parent.
Cheers and good luck to all of you sticking to your guns.
cheers
-B
Those of you who have made the decision to wait, I commend you!! It is likely not a choice you'll ever regret. Few people say their first time was great. I've heard many say that sex is best with someone who you've already emotionally invested in. When there is a foundation of friendship, respect, and love, and if possible, commitment, sex is a zillion times more splendid. Based on my own experiences, I tend to agree with that whole heartedly.
I think sex can be very emotionally bonding, especially for women. For me, I know I had a harder time getting over the relationship with the person who I gave my virginity to. I used to think it was alright to get sexually involved with people sooner than later. It was a painful lesson. I definitely wish I'd waited for marriage. I just think that sex adds a whole new dimension of bonding between people, and it's important to not take that lightly.
First all, Some good responses here. I'm gonna try to address them all if I can. First addressing how far is too far if you are committed to waiting till marriage. Well, that's a loaded question. I think the limits are different for others. Personally, I aggree with Kragiel. Anything passed kissing can lead to great temptation. I think I would go no further than that. That would be something to discuss with the person you're with, and it is important to set boundries to start, then, if you both are strong willed, and like minded in wanting the same things, there is no question of how far you can go. That is personally how I would handle that. Now, moving on to STD's. Addressing this issue, being that I have unfortunitly not waited till marriage, I would be perfectly fine, if the person I was with wanted me to get tested. I know I'm clean, but still I would do it out of love and respect for that person. If you love someone enough, that won't be a putout. Now, I want to stress something to all like me, who haven't waited and now regret it. I want to tell all of you, that the scars from that will heal, and it's not too late to start fresh. No, you can't go back and change the past, but you can control what happens from now on. Just stick to your guns, and don't let anyone disscourrage you from your goals. Trust me, it can be done. I say this because of what Sublime_girl said. If you want to start over and wait to give that gift to that special person when you're married, then, go for it!!! It's not too late to start. I commend all who want to do this. It is hard in this day and age to find those who will, but they're out there. Smile. Good luck too all, and don't give up. I know I won't.
Yes, in Health we talked about that same scenario Sugarbaby mentioned, you know, how relationships go way back and how easy it really is to get an STD no matter how careful you are. And i do agree very much with what J said, about people rushing into marriages. That's why I'm going to try as hard as I can to meet the right person and be absolutely sure before I get married. SO y'all wish me luck! lol...
Sex is a wonderful thing with the right person. We shouldn't need permission from God to consumate a relationship with love. Why can't people take responsability for our own actions or inactions, rather than relying on religious dogma.
well that's a fair point but some feel that God is an important part in their life. I personally like to take responsibility for what I do in my life, however, I can remember talking to a friend once who I hadn't spoken to for a while, and telling her I was living with someone, and she said, "if you ask god for forgiveness, he will forgive you for having sex before marriage". well if that's what you believe that's your perogative, but personally I didn't feel I needed forgiveness from anyone, since I was in a loving relationship.
i plan on waiting until marriage, but thats not to say i will. as many peopleve said sometimes you get caught in the moment and its hard to turn back. if i do have sex before im married, i will wait at least a year and a half to two years, to make sure i really know the person, and really feel comfortable with them.
it's a personal choice, I didn't wait till I was married, but that's not to say that I won't now wait till I am. I didn't just throw it away, I was in a very steady loving relationship, and I was 100% sure of what I was doing, no regrets or bad experiences to report here. Since that ended though, I have had 1 fling witha guy I didn't know very well, and that was silly, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it. If anything it's taught me to take myself more seriously and value me as a person more highly, and why not. I'm special, as are we all, and so we should all make srue we're treated accordingly. Stay true to yourself guys and you'll be ok, that's all I can say.
Here's an interesting twist. What if you happen to get in a gay relationship. Certainly that changes things a bit given that there is no way to "marry" at least not in the legal sense. I guess there are always commitment ceremonies as an option. So one could plan to wait until that point. Please no flaming or derogatory responses. This topic just presents a lot of food for thought. Certinly more than first meets the eye so to speak.
im bisexual thats why i said i dont know for sure if i will wait. whatever happens happens but i definitely wont have sex just to do it thats just not cool.
I think the temptation thing is overrated but depends on how aware you are of your own body and how you control your impulses. There are other ways to satisfy besides having intercourse; you could even ask for some alone time to take care of things yourself, and a partner should respect that. Also, if you redirect the sex drive away from whatever you can't do and more toward what you can do, this can help too. Plus, even the most sane of us get horrific or majorly unwanted implses that we don't act upon. Why? Because there's a larger part of us that weighs the pleasure of fulfilling the impulse with the displeasure of negative consequences. This is helped by reminding ourselves of the negative consequences. For example, when I curse with my friends, I remind myself not to curse in front of my parents so that when i find myself in front of them, I will have reenforced the need to say no to that impulse. Also, at least for me, usually an impulse is most difficult to control if the follow-through is quick and easy. If it requires too much thought and/or action, thenI'll realize what I'm doing and come to my senses before I can follow through.
When you have sexual relations, excluding simple touching with protected hands or hands that have no open cuts, you have to trust the person you are with. you also have to trust their previous partners to have told your partner the truth about their history and status. that's why an STD test is not a sign of mistrust; it's just saying that you can't possibly trust someone you don't know. All you have to go on is your partner's fallible, human judgement. I don't know about you, but it's hard enough for me to trust other people, no less trust their every judgement as gospel. To make things worse, sometimes the nicest, most trustworthy people get lied to by previous partners. Think about it this way: save some disaster outside human control, their relationships ended for a reason, right?
Also, to me, the wedding night is just making things legal before the public. Even if you are a religious person, what is marriage really but a commitment between you, your partner(s), and possibly your deity? Even cultures within the same religion have different definitions of marriage and different processes needed to be married above and beyond commitment to each other. Ceremonies with family and friends are important, but not always quick and easy to plan out, and not always cheap. As far as I'm concerned, I would want to consummate my love privately in many ways before the actual wedding night, including sexually. There are many reasons to postpone a wedding besides level of commitment. Sometimes you can't book the place soon enough. Sometimes you have problems with benefits. Sometimes divorce papers aren't finalized yet, as they can take years in some cases. These are all part of my practical considerations.
1800, well said, I agree on all points actually.
Well, it's hard to talk about gay sexy before marriage since the marriage part can't take plce, legally, not inthe U.S. at least. And those who are in a gay relationship are, presumably (and if I am wrong I do appologize, this is not my pinion) already in breach of the bible preachings so from a Christian point of view they live in sin (note however that it is not my point of view, if you love someone and he/she makes you happy gender, to me, is immaterial, I can never even begin imagining having any kind of sexual impulses or desires for a guy myself but there are a lot of things in this world I don't understand, don't eat peanut butter e.g. so I can totally understand how others may feel differently). And, in any case, only guys can have penetrating sexual relations, girls can't (not without external help) so sexual intercourse, in this case, takes on a different meaning and for one thing you can do away with the pregnancy worries but, instead, you need to get even more careful about STDs seeing as they are a little more prevelent among homosexual groups, although this is changing fast and the desease distribution is becoming more uniform.
Cheers
-B
Personally, I don't follow any religion right now. I know there are quite a few people on here whose parents are very religious, but I haven't found the right one yet. And I'm not sure if I ever will. So when it comes to sex, I respect the whole religious aspect of it, but people have the right to live. We all screw up, and people hold grudges even when they don't want to. I just don't see myself waiting until marriage. The fact that you're married shouldn't change anything. Even when you're married, you can still decide you don't love someone. I know there are a lot of people who regret their first time. That's why you think before you act. It's called common sense, and no paper will give that to you.
If I could invent a common sense pill, I would be rich!
I am abstaining until marriage, because the biggest reason is I made a promise to God when I was younger that I would remain a virgin until my wedding night. Another big reason is that I want to give the man that I say those vows to something special, Virginity is something you can't get back once you give it away. It's just my beliefs. I'm not ready for sex yet. I believe it should only be shared after you've gotten married.
i have no religious beliefs and would probably call myself an atheist. So for me, there is no one but myself to be true to as far as sex is concerned. I have been in several relationships and have had sex with my partners and, each experience for me was unique ans special. My current girlfriend was a virgin before we started going out and, I feel honoured that I was the one she gave herself too, but I do believe that it is people's individual choice whether or not they want to have sex or not and, i don't think that some one who has had sex before marriage should be viewed any differently to some one who decides to wait. As far as I'm concerned, life is for living and I intend to enjoy every aspect of it.
I'll fuck it if it's under 160 pounds and has vision. No damn blinkers for me, they don't deserve to have my man sossage in them.
Hello.
I'm going to be very honest and probably piss a lot of people off with my following comments. I like sex. I like it so much that I want to be with several different women in my lifetime. Having said that, I will act responsibly about it all. I think that variety is the spice of life and that this is true with all things. This being said, I don't think it's a disrespectful attitude to have at all because I'm being honest about it and because whoever I"m involved with will know what I'm about all up front. If they don't like it they have the choice to disassociate themselves from me.
well said Jaz and good luck to ya, can't see anything wrong with that attitude really, as long as you make sure it's special and it's not totally random and the girl you're with knows that and is not under the wrong impression .. well, then that's fine really.
Sex is great!!! I love it!!! I have no regrets for not waiting... I don't go for that religious stuff and you can say that I'm going to hell... I don't care!!! I love to make a guy want me... It turns me on even more... If you are willing to wait for that special day, that's fine with me!!! I only allow myself to be with someone whom I wouldn't mind having a child with... And I am careful about contracting nastyness from others.
Needless to say, in my current relationship, we both lost it to each other... And we're not married.
For all you Christians out there: http://www.sexinchrist.com/oralsex.html. This site really brings up some good points about why oral and anal sex is not viewed wrongly in God's eyes. It even supports its judgement with scriptures. I'm an atheist, and I'm curious to hear what any Christians on here think of it. A PM would greatly be appreciated.
that is very interesting. considering that Anal sex especially is something which a lot of people who have conventional sex would never even consider.
i will never agree with that, making love is ment to be done right after marriage but not before. What you can not wait no longer, then thats not love that just feeling lust about that person. having that urge to screw things up. its really not a good idea to have sex before married.
Sex before marriage? Yes, definitely. I would not want to wait. Why should I? It's not necesary I think.
NO i disagree true. Just because you have sex with someone you're not married to doesn't mean it isn't love. you can make love with someone and still marry them. If you don't wait until marriage it doesn't cheapen the act or the value of it, as long as you have deep feelings for the person you are with, sex is a beautiful thing.
You should not hold back your feeling, also not your sexual ones. I think - and I say this even though I have no real experiences - something's missing in a relationship if you don't have sex. Not in the first few weeks maybe, but sooner or later it's necesary in my opinion.
i'll wait untill the day of my marage. i think sex is something bueatiful and sweet when you have it with the right one. and the right one to have with is with your husband or wife.
Hm, I understand your point, Season.
if you feel the time is right, and you're deeply in love with the person, do what you feel is right.
The prob with waiting til the day of marriage radically, like, if you've never even touched each other before, is that it will be exxtremely nerve-wracking. I could never imagine rushing into intercourse. Also, penetration before intercourse (like fingers) helps many women so that they don't have a first bad experience with sex, or those that have pain during intercourse.
And what if, by not practicing before you get married, you screw things up on your wedding night??? It won't be a pleasant experience then!!! I believe that by waiting, you limit your chances of making it good for you and your partner on that special day!!! To be good at making love, you can't just read a book on it and go from there. It takes much practice and knowing what your partner is comfortable or not comfortable with is very essential. So if you are in love, why not take the extra step to prepare yourself for that special night??? Just a thought you guys!!!
*sexy*
yes! More practice with sex is good! Practice daily, practice nightly... practice makes perfect. Insert, thrust, pull back, moan or grunt, repeat as necessary! Seriously... I think the concept of no sex before marriage has been bred from religious teachings, and not so much out of natural decision. Sex is good, it feels good, and it's exercise, too. ... Populate to copulate!
Ok well I’m going to be a little bit blunt here and I don’t mean to offend anyone, but those of you who have already had sex will perhaps agree with me that, the first time you have sex is everything but perfect. Not only that, before you actually have sex you often have expectations of how it’s going to be, and invariably it is nothing like it. I do know people who have waited until their wedding night and who haven’t necessarily regretted it, but who said that it was nothing like they expected it was going to be, that both parties were extremely tense and nervous and that they were unable to enjoy the experience fully. And there is one other thing. While I understand some peoples’ motivation, I personally think that sex should be a spontaneous thing, that you should make love with someone because you want to, and surely waiting till your wedding night puts that certain amount of pressure on it, almost like planning it, we’re getting married on x date, therefore, we will have sex, on x date. Seems a bit too calculated for me.
rofl Wraith, love it.... and, Sb, totally agree with you. If any girl on here can tell me that their first time wasn't painful? Bring it on. I wanna hear how you mannaged that one... Either that, or I'm weird, but I think not. The words pressure, and sex, in my oppinion, should never need to be used in the same sentence, i.e, the main reason I obviously haven't, and never considdered waiting until I'm married. Who said I wanted to get married anyway? As sb said, if you wait until your wedding night, it'd probably be so blown out of proportion in the nerve department, it'd probably be like a freeze frame car crash. Sorry, that may have been tasteless, but basically, why would you want to be nervous? Why would you want it to hurt? Sex is beautiful with the right person and at the right time, but at a time when the pain subsides and you can actually enjoy it. If you want your wedding night to be perfect, that's gunna be a nasty surprise possibly... I think sex is the thin line between love and hate. It's easy to love it, but even easier to hate it. Get practising guys, heheheh.
Okay, It's been a while since I posted in my own topic, and I have a few things to say. First, my reasons for waiting are not so much religious as they are out of fear and distrust in this area. I have been used for sex, thinking it was something special, so, to avoid the occurance of this happening, I think this may be the safest course for me. I feel that if he loves me, and truly loves me, he'll wait. I'm not saying that it will be a hands off kind of thing, but when it comes to the final act of love making, I just want to be sure that that is in fact what it will be. If I end up giving myself to the man I'm with, I want to be sure he really and truly loves me. Hmm, I guess I may be paranoied, but only time will tell. ;)
i have had sex before and am a devoted lesbian. being that way i wish i hadn't and done what i have because now when you are all alone and having thoughts concerning your sexually its hard to make the right choices
Ah the question of sex... Well.. I believe like this.. If you and your partner are in a committed relationship, when it happens, it happens. Just make sure for certain you really love them.
I agree.
What Starry Vision said.
LOL
Well, I have all ready been there, I am the kind of person that if I say I am going to wait till a certain time, I'll ruin it, emotions are a key factor in making a decision, if you can truly wait till you are married, then more power to you, but as for me, I wouldn't want to deprive myself of certain emotions you feel during intercourse, with that being said, those who wish to wait and abstain, good luck, and may whatever spirit you believe in be with you.
Okay, well I know that the guy I was with...we did have sex. I was okay with it then. But then other things happened in our relationship, and it didn't feel right anymore. And I told him this, and he still pressured me into having sex with him. I have since gotten out of that relationship. I made a vow that I would wait until my wedding night, because I don't want to go through what I've gone through again. I learned my lesson. The sad thing is,I was engaged to him. We dated like a year. *sigh* But that's what happens. Things change, people lie.
I want so much to wait until I'm married. I was brought up that way, I believe in it, and though I may want sex, if I do that before marriage, I know I'd regret it emotionally. I know my boyfriend wants it, what guy doesn't? it's natural but he does listen to me, that's good.
I prefer having sex with a girl who has not been with a male before. It's pure in a way. I don't believe in waiting until marriage or hwatever because you've got limited time here and that could end at any point. No sense in putting a good thing off because in doing so, you might loose that chance. same goes for anything else positive in life.
While I agree to some extent about waiting until marage, I think it's important to find out if the two people involved are compatible, and have qualities in common, sexually, that is.
well i'm not religious at all, so i can't find a reason to wait... if you wanna do that and you love eachother, where's the fuckin problem? dunno, but in my opinion there are many close minded people... but yeah, this just an opinion
It's funny. This particular board post is way old and I remember reading it at the time it was created and having the same belief that I always had when I was younger, (that is, my entire upbringing). i was never told to have any belief (if that makes sense) but I guess I just never could foresee myself not sticking to my long-life belief. I favoured sex only when married, however, as I grew older, I opened up to the idea more of exploration not being a bad thing despite my religion, (christianity preaching no sex before marrige.) I had my first time last year and do *not regret it at all because I loved the person. I know for a fact though that had I not been in love with the person I would of had regrets!
So despite having been a tad curious on and off before it happened for me, I am 100% pleased I waited and never let my curiosities get the better of me with just anyone! Thank you! :)
so mine was taken at a young age and as far as an second virginity, don't think so like pandoras box once it's out it's out
yep, though for some, it is very special and so many of them can have regrets if they lose it in one-night-stand versions, and/or if they're drunk, etc. But on the other hand, it can be viewed as just a word. It all depends on how one looks at the definition of "virginity" really.
hell, is virginity your biggest problem in life? we are not in the 12th century, you know?
I deffantly plan on waiting for my wedding night for that because i believe the guy i'm planning on spending the rest of my life with should have something special from me that no one else would ever get, and as for the second virginity thing, i don't believe in it, i think that once you've donnit your virginity is lost...its a one time deal just an oppinion here
i dont NOT believve it in...but i have done it and not married ;
Damned, don't be so arrogant. If that's your opinion great, but maybe you should calm yourself down before you write your posts. It *is a big deal for some people no matter what you say. There's religion that plays
a big part, not just the "norms in the centuries" as you iluded to.
Gee, I can only hope you don't have regrets yourself! Lol
i'm not arrogant, i just said what i think about virginity, and unfortunately i really think that there are too many close minded persons on this fuckin earth... i didn't want to offend... but in my opinion this is the truth. and ok, virginity is the most important problem of the world, you're right! in fact, we live in the middle ages, yeah
maybe virginity isn't that important to you, but it's very important to others, and you should respect that.
Damned, if you didn't want to offend you have a nice way of showing it with that colourful language of yours!
rdfreak, this is my last answer, cause i don't want to sound arrogant or something, anyway i think that the problem is not my language, maybe the problem is another.... why don't you try to be less shallow?
Seriously, I just could not wait!!! I love sex too much for that!!! lol I'm like a lil' kid in front of a big chocolate cake... I just can't resist! But anyway, who cares? I am in no religions so I won't go to hell... lol
lol... you're right
damned, please get a life!
Lol this topic is so darn funny. Wahahahaha. Especially the catfight between the Australian and the Italian girl. I could express my opinion on sex now, but I think that topic is too old and trite so I won't bother writing anything serious here. Damned, ti voglio bene e lo sai. Ci sentiamo presto.
And RD freak would you please leave damned alone? thank you. lol. She does have a life, so there. Go on with yall's catfight though, it's very entertaining. Hahahaha.
I know this topic is way old but who cares; I'm posting anyway. *smile* Just adding my name to those who would wait for sex until after marriage. One reason is because of religious teaching, and another is because to me, it's more important that we are compatible in other ways first, such as in personality, beliefs in lifestyle and childrearing (or at least willingness to work together on it, etc. Since sex will usually never be perfect the first time anyway and will also require communication, I think sex is something that could be worked on if necessary; so the practicing or wanting it to be just right on/after the wedding night isn’t that big a thing to me. Also, aside from these reasons, I think it’s somewhat for me like what Post 74 said. Of course mine wasn’t the same situation, but I did go thru some stuff when I was younger as well, not with any boyfriends/dates, but still. So I would want to really make sure that I will give my virginity to the right man and that the relationship is going to be hopefully permanent, (not saying that not being married means that it won’t, but I feel like it would be easier to break up/walk away from the relationship when not married).
For these you you that can do this good, but I say no. Sex is vary much a big part of my being, so if I like a person then I wish to be sexual with that person. I don't say this idea is correct for all, but it's just the way I'm built. Marriage takes work without having the you said you liked issues to deal with as well and once your married it's a shame to find your mate really could care less about sex or has some really deep problems about it and the things you can and can't do and all that. I'm not even sure I believe in marriage in the terditional, so I'm different. I've seen to many people use marriage as a barganing tool instead of a loving thing and that's my problem. I don't want to have to hear we're married, so you have to put up with my non sexual problems even though I told you I'd do a B and c.
Okay I've ranted enough on this.
Sex before marriage? In order of importance, most definitely, and by a loooong way.
You wouldn't wait until your wedding night to start discussing whether you want children. Or whether you share the same views in terms of religion or politics. Would you leave it until 3 years into your relationship to start talking about what each of your life objectives are. So why leave such an important part (and I don't care what you say, it IS an important part) of your relationship to so far into things?
Of course, if you aren't going to do it, you MUST talk about it and have an idea of whether there is going to be compatibility or not, but like any other part of the relationship, it isn't something to leave to chance. And be honest too, cos it's very easy to "go along" with whatever is being discussed or suggested, just to keep things sweet. That will only lead to disaster in the long run ...
Marriage isn't important to me.Not that sex is the most important element of a relationship, but in any situation you have to be honest about it. Right, I'm sure that's all been said before but I couldn't resist posting, you know me ...
Yes, sex after marriage is definitely the best.